Chapter 9: What Ryan Said in Court
The trial took four months.
I won't say it was easy.
There were days when Ryan's attorney made me feel like I was the one being judged — my tone, my memory, the hang-up call I had made fourteen months ago and then abandoned.
"You called 911 and hung up," the attorney said.
"Why?"
"Because Ryan was standing in the doorway."
"So you're saying you were afraid."
"Yes."
"But you stayed in the marriage for another fourteen months."
"Yes."
"Can you explain that to the jury?"
I looked at the jury.
Twelve people.
Eight women, four men.
Different ages, different faces.
"I stayed because he told me I would lose my son if I left," I said.
"And I believed him.
Because he had spent years making sure I would."
The attorney moved on.
But two of the jurors didn't look away from me for a long time after that.
Noah testified through a recorded interview, conducted by a specialist in a room designed for children — soft chairs, neutral colors, a small table.
I wasn't allowed to be present.
Marsh sat outside the room with me and didn't say much.
She brought two cups of coffee and handed me one without asking.
Ryan took the stand in his own defense.
His attorney had coached him well.
He was calm.
Measured.
He expressed remorse for the incident.
He said the word incident four times.
He said he had been under significant work stress.
He said the marriage had been difficult for both of them.
He said he loved his son.
Then the prosecutor played forty-one minutes of audio.
Ryan's voice filled the courtroom.
The jury heard everything.
When the recording ended, the room was very quiet.
Ryan's attorney asked for a recess.
The judge denied it.
The jury deliberated for six hours.
Guilty on the domestic @buse charge.
Guilty on the witness intimidation charge — the text message, sent from the second phone within an hour of his arrest.
Ryan stood when the verdict was read.
His attorney put a hand on his arm.
Ryan looked across the courtroom at me.
I looked back.
He opened his mouth.
I don't know what he intended to say.
May you like
His attorney's grip tightened, and whatever it was, Ryan swallowed it.
That was the last time I saw his face.
