Federalbrief

Chapter 8: The Second Letter

I slept in my old bedroom that night.

I didn't intend to stay.

I had my own apartment twenty minutes away — a small one-bedroom I'd furnished mostly from secondhand shops and one very good sale at a furniture warehouse.

I'd been proud of that apartment in the way you're proud of something you built entirely by yourself.

But Father asked if I would stay, and I said yes.

Chloe was in her room down the hall.

The house was quiet in a way it hadn't been when I was growing up — a different kind of quiet.

Emptied out.

I sat on the edge of the bed with the second envelope in my hands.

The one Father had given me at the kitchen island.

The one from Diane, written last month.

I hadn't opened it yet.

I turned it over.

My name was on this one, in the same careful handwriting as the first letter.

Just *Maya*.

Nothing else.

I opened it.

---

*Maya,*

*I don't know if Richard has told you yet.

I don't know if you're reading this because you already know, or because something happened and he finally found the courage, or because I ran out of time and this is all that's left of me.

I hope it's the first one.*

*I've been thinking about what I would say to you for so long that now I'm afraid none of it will come out right.

So I'll just say the thing that matters most.*

*You were not a mistake.

You were not a burden.

You were not something that needed to be managed or hidden or apologized for.

You were the bravest thing I ever did — choosing someone else's safety over my own fear of being without you.*

*I know that doesn't make it hurt less.

I know you probably have years of questions and I may not have enough time to answer all of them.

But I want to try.

I want to try for as long as I have.*

*If you want to meet me — really meet me, sit with me, ask me things — I am here.

I will always be here for as long as here is available to me.*

*You have your father's stubbornness and my terrible habit of saving things I should have said out loud.

I hope you got the better parts of both of us.*

*I love you.

I have always loved you.

That part was never complicated.*

*— Diane*

---

I folded the letter along its original creases and held it against my chest.

The room was dark.

Through the curtains, the garden was lit by a single outdoor lamp that Father had always left on overnight because he said it made the house look less empty from the outside.

I sat there for a long time.

Then I picked up my phone and typed a message to the number Father had given me before I went upstairs.

*This is Maya.

I read your letter.

Both letters.

I'd like to come back tomorrow, if you're not too tired.

There are things I want to say out loud.*

I set the phone on the nightstand.

Less than two minutes later, it lit up.

*I'll put the kettle on.*

I pressed my lips together.

Set the phone back down.

Lay back on the bed and looked at the ceiling.

Outside in the hallway, I heard Chloe's door open.

A pause.

Then a quiet knock at mine.

"Yeah," I said.

The door opened a few inches.

Chloe stood in the gap in an old sweatshirt, her hair loose.

"I can't sleep," she said.

"Me neither."

She hesitated.

"Can I come in?"

I moved over on the bed and she came in and sat against the headboard beside me, pulling her knees up the way she used to do when we were young, when the world was simpler and neither of us knew yet what our family actually was.

"I keep thinking about the patio," she said quietly.

"Don't."

"I need to." She picked at a thread on her sleeve.

"I remember thinking — while the flames were going — that I felt satisfied.

That I'd won something." She paused.

"I hate that I felt that."

"You were taught to feel it," I said.

"That's not an excuse.

But it's true."

"Mom taught me you were competition."

"I know."

"Sisters aren't supposed to be competition."

"No," I said.

"They're not."

We were quiet for a while.

"She's going to make the separation very difficult," Chloe said.

"Probably."

"Are you going to be okay?"

I thought about the letter against my chest.

Diane's handwriting.

The shelf of photographs.

The pale blue curtains.

"Yeah," I said.

"I actually think I am."

---

Downstairs, in the study, I heard Father moving around.

The sound of a drawer.

Papers.

A muffled phone call in a voice too quiet to make out.

Building something, or preparing for something.

Or both.

Outside, the single garden lamp held steady in the dark.

I closed my eyes and for the first time that day, the weight of everything that had happened didn't press down.

It just settled — the way things settle when they have finally been put in the right place.

I stayed in that room that was mine until long after Chloe fell asleep beside me, her breathing slow and even.

May you like

I didn't sleep for a while yet.

But I wasn't afraid of what came next.

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